The Book of Death Note
by Michael Bunny Bunny
Summary: CRACK PARODY Crossover between the Book of Mormon and Death Note where the majority of the characters are mormons and this is meant to be crack so don't take this seriously. Later MelloMatt and LightxL. Rated for language
1. Hello

AN: Just to let you know, I wrote the first song before I thought of writing the rest of it. As a result, the first song has nothing to do with the rest of the story, because I didn't feel like rewriting it. Enjoy!

Hello

*ding dong*  
Light: Hello. My name is Yagami Light. And I would like to share with you the most amazing notebook!  
Misa: Hello. My name is Misa Amane. It's a notebook that belongs to a Shinigami!  
Light: It has so many awesome powers! You simply won't believe how much this note can change your life!  
Mikami: Hello. My name is Teru Mikami. I would like to share with you this note that was owned by GOD!  
L: Hello. My name is Ryuzaki.  
Light: Hello!  
L: Did you know that Kira lives here in Kanto Japan?  
Light: You can, read all about it now.  
Misa: Hello!  
Light: In this nifty manga series it is called Death Note.  
Mikami: Hello!  
Near: Hello. My name is N or Near. And I can switch this Death Note with a fake notebook.  
L: Hello!  
Near: Hello.  
Light: Hello!  
Misa: I'll just hide it here. So no one suspects me of being 2nd Kira!  
Mello: Hello.  
Mikami: Hi!  
Mello: My name is-  
L: Light is Kira!  
Light: I am not Kira, L!  
L: Hello.  
Near: It is a dangerous note.  
Light: Oh, no.  
Mikami: DELETE!  
Mello: Conichiwa!  
Matt: My name is MATT THE GAMER!  
Light: What's your full name?  
Mikami: This notebook makes you GOD!  
Mello: Gives you eternal life!  
Matt: Sound good?  
All: Eternal life!  
Mikami: DELETE!  
All: Is super fun!  
Light: Hello!  
Misa: Ding dong!  
All: And if you give your name we'll show you how it can be done!  
Mikami: No thanks?  
L: You sure?  
Near: Oh well.  
Mello: Chocolate!  
Matt: LEVEL UP!  
Light: Have fun in Hell!  
L: Hey, now!  
Light, L: You simply won't believe how much this note will change your life!  
Misa, Mikami: This note will change your life!  
Near, Mello, Matt: This note will change your life!  
Light, L: This note will change your life!  
Misa, Mikami: This note will change your life!  
*buzzzzzzz*  
Matsuda: HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE TO READ THIS KINDA DISTURBING JAPANESE COMIC BOOK ABOUT A GUY WHO KILLS PEOPLE?  
Soichiro: No, no, Matsuda! That's not how theOhba made it! You're making things up again! Just stick to the approved dialogue! Characters, show him!  
All: Hello!  
Matsuda: Hello!  
All: My name is-  
Matsuda: MATSUDA!  
All: And we would like to share with you this notebook of certain death!  
Light: Hello!  
Misa: Hello!  
Mikami: Ding dong!  
L: Cake, please!  
Near: Don't use this note.  
Mello: Be free!  
Matt: Mario, Luigi!  
Light: You see?  
Light, L: You simply won't believe how much this note will change your life!  
Misa, Mikami: This note will change your life!  
Near: Hello.  
Mello, Matt: This note will change your life!  
Light, L: This note will change your life!  
All: So you won't burn in-  
Matsuda: HELL-OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Light: Hello.  
Misa: Hello.  
Matt, Mello, Near, L: You're gonna die someday.  
Mikami: Hello.  
Light: Hello.  
Misa: Hello.  
Matt, Mello, Near, L: But if you use this note you'll see that there will be no way,  
Mikami: Hello.  
Light: Hello.  
Misa: Hello.  
Matt, Mello, Near, L: To spend eternity.  
Mikami: Hello.  
Light: Hello.  
Misa: Hello.  
Matt, Mello, Near, L: With friends or family.  
Mikami: Hello.  
Light: Hello.  
Misa: Hello.  
Matt, Mello, Near, L: And we can only garuntee you that this note will change your life!  
Mikami: Hello.  
Matt, Mello, Near, L, Mikami: This note will change your life!  
Light: Hello.  
All: This note will change your life! THIS NOTE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! This is the Deeeeeaaattthhhhh Noooootttteeeeee!  
Matt, Mello, Near: Deeath Nooooote!  
*wind chimes*  
All: HELLO!


	2. Two by Two

An alarm buzzed. A hand reached out from under the covers and slapped it, causing it to shut up. A boy, of about 16 years old, sat up and ruffled his mop of messy, blond hair. He groggily looked at his calendar, then bolted out of bed and to the bathroom to fix his state of being. It was August 16th. He had been waiting for this day for years! They all had! Today was the day they were going to be sent on their mission.  
The day each of them came to Wammy's orphanage was the day they became Mormons. Wammy's might be in England, though they stuck to the American religion.  
The blond boy- Mello- took the brush from the bathroom counter and began combing through his hair with it. Now, usually, boys don't really care about how they look, but Mello was different. He spent half an hour every morning, just getting ready. There were two other boys at Wammy's who did similar things. Near spent fifteen minutes getting ready; he had to make sure every inch of himself was pristinely white, and Light Yagami spent over an hour making sure he looked like a model. Mello was in between. He wanted to look good, but he also didn't want people to get the wrong impression of him. I mean, it's not like he was gay or anything, was it?  
Mello put the brush down after making sure his shoulder-length blond hair looked absolutely perfect, then picked up his toothbrush. As he brushed his teeth, he had a silent conversation with Heavenly Father. Dear God, he began. I know I've asked this before, but there is one special place I would like to be sent. Today is the big day, the day I've been waiting for. Please, oh please send me to where I want to go. Thank you. Amen. He rinsed and spit. He went back into his room and to his closet. He pulled out his leather pants and a black cotton long-sleeved shirt. After putting on his black sneakers, he headed downstairs. He saw the rest of the orphans congregated in the hallway outside the dining hall. This is it, time to reveal where you'll go, thought Mello.  
"Oh, hey." Mello turned around to find Linda, a fellow orphan.  
"Hi, Linda."  
"Excited?"  
"Yup," said Mello. He kept glancing at the closed door to the dining hall, where they would go in to get chosen.  
"Nervous?" asked Linda. Mello looked at her and nodded.

Two By Two  
Linda: Do you have any idea where they're sending you, Mello?  
Mello: Well, of course we don't really have final say over where we get sent, but, I have been praying to be sent to my favorite place in the whole world.  
Linda: Well, if you prayed for a location ,I'm sure Heavenly Father will make it happen. You're one of the smartest orphans Wammy's has ever seen!  
Mello: Oh, come on. *The most important time of a Mormon kid's life is his mission. A chance to go out and help heal the world, that's my mission. Soon I'll be off in a different place, helping the whole human race. I know my mission will be something incredible!  
(the dining hall door opened.)  
Roger: Orphans, form a line and step forward when your name is called. Light Yagami!  
Light: Yes sir!  
Roger: Your mission brother will be, L!  
L: That's me! Hello, Light!  
Roger: And your mission location will be, Norway!  
Light: Oh, wow! Norway!  
L: Land of gnomes, and trolls.  
All: Hoo wah! Hey yah! Shoo wah! Zadup wow!  
Light and L: Two by two, we're marching door to door, 'cuz God loves Mormons and he wants some more! A two-year mission is our sacrifice! We are the army of the church of Jesus Christ!  
All: … Of latter-day saints. Two by two, and today we'll know, who we'll make the journey with and where we'll go! We're fighting for a cause but we're really really nice, we are the army of the church of Jesus Christ! … Of latter-day saints.  
Roger: BB and C!  
C: I knew we'd get paired together!  
Roger: Your location will be... France!  
BB: France! Land of pastries and turtlenecks!  
BB and C: Two by two, I guess it's you and me. We're off to preach across land and sea!  
BB: Satan has a hold of France!  
C: We need to knock him off his perch!  
BB and C: We are the soldiers of the army of the church!  
All: … Of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints.  
Roger: A and Linda, you will be serving in, Japan!  
Linda: Oh, Japan!  
A: Land of soy sauce!  
Linda: And Mothra!  
Roger: Near and Sayu!  
Mello: Heavenly Father, where will I go on my mission? Will it be China or old Mexico on my missi on? It could be San Fran by the bay, Australia where they say, "G'day!" But I pray I'm sent to my favorite place, Orlando! I love you, Orlando! Sea World and Disney, and putt-putt golfing!  
Roger: Mello!  
Mello: Yes sir!  
Roger: Your brother will be, Matt!  
Matt: That's me! That's me! Hello!  
Mello: Oh, hi!  
Roger: And your mission location is... Uganda!  
Mello: …... Uganda?  
Matt: Uganda! Cool! Where is that?  
Roger: Africa!  
Matt: Oh, boy! Like Lion King!  
All: Two by two, now it's time to go! Our paths have been revealed so let's start the show! Our shirts are clean and pressed, and our haircuts are precise! We are the army of the church of Jesus... Christ! Two by two, we march for victory, armed with the greatest book in history! We'll convert everyone, all across the planet Earth! That is the beauty of... the essence of... the purpose of... the mission of the soldiers of the army of the church! Of Jesus Christ! …... Of latter-day saints!


	3. You and Me (but mostly me)

"You're Near, right?" The white-haired boy looked up from his puzzle at the girl with the dark brown hair and a cheerful smile. He nodded. "I'm Sayu!" said the girl. "But, I'm sure you already know that. You're like, the smartest kid here!"  
"Nice to meet you, Sayu," responded Near, twirling a strand of hair. "I am looking forward to our mission together." Sayu smiled again.  
"Well, I was thinking, maybe we should study some stuff about Italy, so we can get some ideas of what will happen to us when we go there."  
"I already know quite a lot about Italy, but yes, I think it would be a good idea to study it anyways," Near replied. Sayu paled a bit. Near had a habit of making people feel less intelligent. Every word out of his mouth sounded ingenious. No wonder why Mello was annoyed by him all the time.  
Sayu pulled out a book as Near got out his laptop.  
"You have your own laptop?" Sayu asked, incredulously.  
"Roger allows me to have it for my studies," Near replied, in his usual monotone.  
"I see..." So Roger liked to pick favourites. It made sense that he would favour Near. "Hey, where in Italy are we going, again?"  
"Sicily."  
"Sicily? In Southern Italy?"  
"Yes."  
"I helped Light do some research on South Italy once. Won't we have to watch out for the Cosa Nostra once we get there?" Near paused.  
"Ah, yes. The mafia. We should be okay. However, we should still research the Sicilian mafia."  
"I guess you're right. Hey, Mello seems to know a lot about the mafia! We should ask him for help!"  
"You ask him."  
"Me? But Mello can be kind of scary..."  
"But he would beat me up if I asked him..."  
"Why would he beat you up?"  
"Because he hates me." Sayu opened her mouth to say something, then closed it.  
"You know what, let's just research it online and in books, okay?" she asked.  
"Sure, okay," replied Near. He did a quick search on the modern Cosa Nostra. He addressed Sayu. "Apparently, they mostly do drug trade, nowadays."  
"That's good, then?" Sayu asked.  
"It invokes less danger upon us."  
"Okay, then, good."

Matt and Mello were lazing about on the couch. Mello was eating a chocolate bar while Matt played his Nintendo DS.  
"Hey Mels?" Matt asked.  
"Hm?"  
"It's pretty cool that we got paired together, isn't it?"  
"Yeah, I guess." Matt paused his game at the tone of his friend's voice.  
"You okay?" Matt inquired.  
"Yeah, I guess," Mello replied, lazily. Matt scooted closer to him.  
"C'mon, Mels. I know you're upset about going to Uganda, is that right?" Mello looked away from him. Matt took that as a yes. "But, hey, Uganda could be fun!"  
"How is Uganda fun?" Mello asked, skeptically.  
"Well it's warm, and it's interesting, 'cus it's a place we haven't been to and haven't heard much about." Mello sighed.  
"Whatever," he said, taking a bite of his chocolate.  
"Hey," Matt said, putting a hand on Mello's shoulder. "Don't be so down. We're going to have an adventure together. Best friends forever, right?" Matt kissed Mello on the cheek. Mello blushed and smiled a bit.  
"Sure, Matt. Best friends forever." Matt smiled at Mello, then yawned.  
"I'm getting tired," he said. "I'm going off to bed." Mello stood up.  
"I'm going to go, too."  
"'Night, Mels."  
"'Night, Matty." The two went into their separate rooms for the night.

The next morning, the entire house was up at 5am to catch their specific planes. They all packed onto the bus that would take them to the airport. Once they arrived, they waited in a small waiting area while Roger looked at the flight schedule. The first plane to take off was to Italy. The entire group walked to the terminal. Light walked over to Sayu and went through a list, making sure she had everything, making sure she researched the area well, and telling her things she "needed to know" about Italy.  
"Sheesh, Light!" exclaimed Sayu. "Overprotective big brother..." she muttered under her breath. She finally managed to get away, and headed over to Near, who was waiting for her. Light glared at him as if to say, if you let anything bad happen to her, I'll kill you. Sometimes, Near hated the amount of enemies he had made accidentally.  
L and Light boarded the next plane to Norway, followed by BB and C to France, then A and Linda to Japan. Finally, it was going to be Mello's and Matt's turn. Of course, Mello still wasn't enthusiastic about going to Uganda, but Matt was bouncing up and down with excitement. Mello checked the flight schedule again.  
"Crap," he said. Matt stopped bouncing and looked at Mello.  
"What is it?"  
"Our flight's been delayed!" Mello sank down into a nearby chair. "Well isn't that just perfect?" he asked with clear sarcasm. "First I have to go to Uganda, of all places, and then our stupid flight gets cancelled!" Matt sat down in the chair next to him.  
"Well, this gives us a chance to talk about all the awesome things you'll do there!" Mello looked at him. "Think about it," Matt said. "You're going to a place where it's gonna be hard to convert people to the church. But you need a challenge, and Roger noticed that! And you're going to do awesome!" Mello smiled a weak smile.  
"You think so?"  
"I know so."  
"Well, it has always been my dream to go out and change the world, and you're right, I do need a challenge!" Mello was getting more excited about this mission by the moment!  
"Yeah! That's the spirit!" exclaimed Matt, happily.

You and Me (But Mostly Me)  
Mello: I've always had the hope, that on the day I go to heaven, Heavenly Father will shake my hand and say, "You've done an awesome job, Mihael!" Now It's our time to go out,  
Matt: My best friend!  
Mello: And set the world's people free. And we can do it together, you and me- But mostly me! You and me but mostly me, are gonna change the world forever! 'Cause I can do most anything-  
Matt: And I can stand next to you and watch!  
Mello: Every hero needs a sidekick! Every captain needs a mate!  
Matt: Aye, aye!  
Mello: Every dinner needs a side-dish!  
Matt: On a slightly smaller plate!  
Both: And now we're seeing eye to eye, it's so great we can agree! That Heavenly Father has chosen you and me-  
Mello: Just mostly me! Something incredible! I'll do something incredible! I wanna be the orphan who changed all of mankind!  
Matt: My best friend!  
Mello: Something I've forseen, now that I'm 16! I'll do something incredible, that blows God's freaking mind!  
Both: And as long as we stick together!  
Matt: And I stay out of your way!  
Mello: Out of my way!  
Matt: We will change the world-  
Both: Forever!  
Matt: And make tomorrow a latter day!  
Mello: Mostly me!  
Matt: So quit singing about it-  
Both: And do it! How ready and psyched are we? And life is about to change for you. And life is about to change for me! And life is about to change for you and me-  
Mello: But me mostly! And there's no limit to what we can do, me and you. But mostly- Me!


End file.
